Saboteurs in the trees

Squirrels are up to something, often no good. — likeaduck/Creative Commons

Forget for a minute the larger threats hanging over our heads — Covid 19, global warming, the holiday shopping season — and consider the trouble that may be brewing in your own back yard.

There’s an army of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed operatives very likely conducting surveillance of your house at this very moment, plotting a home invasion. Boldly going wherever the heck they want, they are on the move, fanning out into our neighborhoods, insinuating themselves into our very homes.

We call them squirrels, and if the word has become a synonym for “potentially dangerous lunatics,” that should tell you something right there, shouldn’t it?

Although they are largely tree-dwelling, squirrels are just as happy to use overhead utility wires as a route of travel. They’ve been known to gnaw on transformers, electric cables and substation equipment, and sometimes go on suicide missions to bring down the local power grid.

There is no evidence to support the theory that squirrels use wires like dental floss to remove nut particles trapped between their incisors. But squirrels’ teeth do grow constantly and need to be filed down by gnawing daily on hard materials.

In a typical squirrel power outage, chewing is not at issue. Electricity travels through power lines in a steady flow following the path of least resistance. A squirrel traveling down a single strand of line doesn’t offer a shorter route than the wire itself.

But when the squirrel bridges a gap between one line and another, or between a transformer and a power line, electricity seeks the shorter path. The result is the classic short circuit, which fries the squirrel to a crisp and can either cut the power to nearby homes or cause a massive power surge.

Some power companies blame squirrels for up to 30 percent of their outages. In response, a thriving cottage industry has sprung up to supply patented critter guards that fling squirrels off the lines and keep the lights on.

In New Jersey, we seem to have a better handle on things with detectors that, in effect, trip a circuit breaker to protect equipment and automatically reset themselves, allowing power to resume when furry saboteurs are no longer present.

A spokesman for PSE&G, a company serving much of northern New Jersey, says only 4.3 percent of outages lasting more than five minutes are due to animal contact (with 90 percent of those contacts made by squirrels).

This could mean big trouble. — das_miller/Creative Commons

Telephone and cable companies face a slightly different problem when squirrels gnaw on the sheathing of copper cables. According to Rich Young of Verizon Communications, moisture can seep through the voids, causing service problems. In such cases, the company replaces damaged wires with a heavily reinforced squirrel-guard cable, sheathed in steel.

Good for those clever utility companies —but what about you? Squirrels also can use power, cable and phone connections as a highway to your eaves and roof vents, accessing a cozy winter retreat in your attic.

Once inside, squirrels can cause incredible damage, ripping up insulation for nest material, chewing on beams and stripping insulation from the wires that form your own internal power grid. Some sources claim that as many as 25 percent of unexplained house fires can be blamed on intrusive squirrels with an itch to chew.

Please don’t think you can solve the problem by installing homemade guards on your individual utility lines. This is really, truly not a do-it-yourself project, given the lethal voltage; call your provider. You also may need a professional to evict squirrels from the attic, since this requires carpentry skills and a willingness to climb tall ladders that many of us do not possess.

Should a squirrel descend your chimney, there is a home remedy you can try: Drop a heavy rope down the chimney, one long enough to reach the ground outdoors. Hope the squirrel takes the hint, and when he leaves, remove the rope and get yourself some proper chimney caps.

If the squirrel gets loose in your house, try to herd it into a darkened room with a window open to daylight and pray it finds its way out before destroying your furnishings. Don’t try to corner the little buggers — although they seldom carry rabies, they pack a nasty bite.

Fall is the season of peak squirrel visibility, not only because they are busily burying acorns for winter forage, but also because this is when the young set out into the world to seek their own, new territories. This phenomenon even has a name, the “fall reshuffle.”

In some years — 1933 and 1968 to name two — the migration has been extraordinary, attracting the attention of naturalists who study squirrels and motorists who squash them in alarming numbers. In 1933, as many as 1,000 squirrels were observed swimming across the Connecticut River, and hundreds have since been spotted in reservoirs and lakes throughout the northeast.

Think of it — an armada of squirrels, doggedly paddling their way to claim new territory for the genus Sciurus. Meanwhile, millions of their comrades infiltrate the cities and suburbs of eastern America, making their way stealthily into our yards, our homes, our lives.

Small as they are, common gray squirrels are smart and tireless. You may dismiss their machinations as beneath your notice, but you may be forgetting that it is the meek who shall inherit the earth. They’re out there, and they’re waiting for their chance.